“You’re a foreigner in your own country.”
I’ve had this thought several times since arriving in Ghana… but I didn’t realize how piercing it was until someone actually said it to me. I traveled to Kumasi this weekend to visit members of my dad’s side of the family. I got to see my Uncle Kwasi, his wife Auntie Yaa, my cousins Abi, Akua, and Nana, as well as some other extended family members. I was so excited to go and spend time with everyone, and it was nice. But I felt like so many things transpired this weekend that brought to my attention what a horrible Ghanaian I am. I went to work with my cousin Abi on Saturday where I met some of her coworkers for the first time. At one point we left and returned with food. I felt sick most of that day and so hadn’t eaten yet, so I just sat down and began eating. Abi’s supervisor watched me for a short while and then asked me why I didn’t invite anyone to come share my food. On top of this, on Sunday I further displayed my alien nature by explaining to my family that I’m not Christian, that I actually have no religion, and that I’d rather not attend church that day. That same day after reluctantly attending church, I visited my elders who proved to me that all the amazing progress I thought I’d made in learning Twi wasn’t as vast as I thought it was, as I couldn’t understand most of what they were saying and one of them told me that I shouldn’t return back to the United States because I couldn’t speak my language. The rest of my time there, I sat in a room full of people having conversations in Twi, unable to partake or figure out what they were saying when they were clearly talking about me. During one of these conversations, a friend of my Uncle’s came over and made comment about me being a foreigner in my own country after I gracefully displayed my lack of knowledge of the Twi Language. It’s so difficult not to get discouraged when these things happen, especially when other people are explicitly bringing to light the insecurities you have about your shortcomings. I particularly have always had a problem with this sort of thing. But after talking to my mom and Auntie Mary Anna today, I realize that I have to try my best to push through and not let others affect me. They said that if I try speaking Twi and someone laughs, I just have to keep talking. If someone tells me I’m an outsider, I should defend myself and make it known that I made the effort by coming here. Apparently many members of the Ghanaian community at home in Tampa are proud of me for taking the initiative to take a step that many first generation Ghanaian Americans aren’t willing to make. I could have studied abroad anywhere in the world this semester, but I chose to come to Ghana to learn more about my heritage and to get more connected with my family and culture. I just have to remind myself of this fact, and keep on keepin’ on…
Despite all of this, it was nice getting to visit my family this weekend. I wish I had a little more time there, though. I didn’t get to do a whole lot or spend a lot of time with some of my cousins since the bus to Kumasi took about two hours longer than it should have, bringing me there later in the evening. Akua and Nana also didn’t arrive until the next morning while I was at work with Abi. I ended up not seeing them until after 5 o’clock that day. And the next day, we all had to back to our respective schools. So time wasn’t exactly on our sides, but hopefully I’ll get the timing down better next time.
Sorry for such a downer of a post... especially considering I've been MIA for so long. The internet’s been quite spotty here, so the next several entries will be a bit out of order, but they’ll have everything that’s been going on here. I hope it’s not too confusing! And setting aside this minor setback, things have been going really well, as you will see in the next posts!
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keep your chin up, kiddo! love you!
ReplyDeleteI agree with your mom and your Auntie Mary Anna. You're making a remarkable effort, and you deserve mad props, yo. The language barrier is tough...there are some days where I feel like I can't speak a single word of Spanish here. But you're right...you just have to keep on trying, and it gets that much better every day.
ReplyDeleteYou're fantastic, and I'm sure your Twi acquisition is vastly outpacing my Spanish acquisition. Claudia said it well. Chin up! You running this.
I really miss you! Can't wait to trade all our study abroad stories back in the states!
nana!
ReplyDeletedon't be discouraged! they're just talking like that because that's what ethnic families do...trust me! it's so weird, right? i know exactly how this scenario plays out. sometimes, my aunts and uncles would "inspect" me while i'm sitting there, just to have something to banter about. i understand what they're saying, yet that doesn't stop them, haha. you just have to laugh it off. it's interesting to them that you're Americanized but Ghanaian in appearance, and even though it seems like they're looking down upon you, they're not. it's like they're being the stereotypical relatives who say, "well, back in my day, we walked ten miles to school in the snow." don't fret. keep asking them to tell you about their lives. it's kind of like you have to "prove yourself" to them by being interested in learning about your heritage. you're in the process, and they're just playing hardball with you to see if you keep trying. i feel like in cultures outside of our American one, family members freely criticize one another, people bitch back and forth, then everyone forgets everything and sits down to eat.
and think about it, you've only been learning twi for a month and a half! of course you're not going to understand everything! and old people have their garbly, old voices that no one understands anyway. the one thing i've learned from dealing with the relatives is that once you relax, the problems aren't so big anymore, and once you start asking them to talk about themselves, they'll see that you want to know.
keep on keepin' on! and you're not a horrible ghanaian! you're an awesomely kick-ass american who is travelling to ghana to learn about her family. i think you will be successful.
love you! <3 michelle
oh, and p.s. - it took me years to get down the whole "interacting with relatives that don't really speak your language." you don't have that much time, but you'll be okay! just show them that you want them to know about you!
ReplyDeleteI second all that has been said above! Things will get better! In the meantime, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and glad to hear that you are having a (mostly) fantastic time.
ReplyDeleteAustin